Summary of key points. Your own example may have parallels or may be similar and have other details. Can you relate?

Real Life Examples of QuestUnique coaching:

The ROQUE Coaching Methodology in action: 

I need to be a carer for Mum:

Meet: Julie

There could not be a single person in all of human life, who has not experienced the end of life of another – whether a family member or dear friend. The tug of the heart strings throws us into a quandary as to what we should do. It is not about what others may think, rather, what is the right thing for ‘me’ to do at this time. What is the right thing to do for the other person – especially when that person is terminally ill, and she happens to be your much-loved Mother, and you are her only daughter.

I met Julie who needed to make some decisions, and we used The ROQUE Coaching Methodology to provide a structured approach to help her.

      Caring for another with Head and Heart

 My first question:

How would you describe what is going on right now in your world and that of your Mother?

My follow-on questions were: Who else does her situation affect? Who is helping you?

Current REALITY in ROQUE

What is happening in the context of your topic or issue right now?

In this step we look at the current reality of what is going on regarding the topic you have chosen to explore. You can explore as many of the symptoms – the positives and the negatives. Identify cause and effects scenarios. Are you or the situation where you expected? Do not worry about attempting to solve anything. It is important to be focussed on the topic or issue or problem alone. This is discovery and fact finding to achieve clarity about what it is exactly that needs to be solved later.

 Julie’s answers:

• I am the only daughter amongst brothers
• I live interstate with my own family and I have to figure out what is best
• My mother is terminally ill
• We need to look after her out of respect for all she did for us
• We need to navigate a transition of her wishes
• The prognosis is final.
• We are a close family and despite our differing aspirations, all align to support Mum. 
• My Mum and our family have a lot of friends to support us
• We did experience something like this when my Dad was terminally ill and passed away 8 years ago.

My second question:

 What are you currently considering as choices open to you?

My follow-on questions were: What could you do now for immediate effect, and what could you do down the track? What could others do to support you?

OPTIONS in ROQUE

What Options can you currently identify to deal with the topic or issue?

This step is about looking for Options to see how the future Reality of the topic could be different. Just like brain storming, it is best not to edit the range of Options that come to mind. Just capture! In this section we consider and look for Options that are known and open to you and also those that may never have been considered before. Rarely is one forced into doing things. You have choices, irrespective of circumstances or events, yet only when you seek out options. Choosing to follow certain actions makes life much more interesting and gives you a sense of control. Being pro-active rather than being re-active gives you a sense of responsibility and accountability. Seeing many choices or options indicates your own increased awareness in all the elements of the circumstances you find yourself in, or encounter. Do you ask yourself: “What if?”

Julie’s answers:

• We could secure a place for Mum in a hospice
• We could look after her in her own home
• I could consider staying with her whilst my own family is interstate
• We could arrange additional home care and add support structures around the home
• We could take turns to stay with Mum, so she has a family member with her 24/7
• Our respective families would have to support some upheaval of partners being away

My third question: 

What are you going to choose to do?

My follow-on questions were: What does your head say you should do? What does your heart say you should do?

QUEST in ROQUE

What are you GOING TO DO? What is your Quest?

This is where you identify the option/s to become your solution or resolution to your topic or issue. We use the term Quest to respect the fact that successful outcomes reflect a combination of the rational and emotional. When you have ‘Head’ goals, these are what you think you ought to do. You use rationale to support you. When you have ‘Heart’ goals, these are what you feel you ought to do – you have emotion and passion. Sometimes this is referred to as your intuition. At this QUEST level, you need to test that what you think, and feel are aligned. That there is integrity and congruence rather than conflict or that ‘torn between feeling’.

Research confirms that when you write down or build a visual aid and share your goals, when you make some ‘public’ statement about them, your chances of success are greater. A good tool to use when goal setting is to express your goals in a SMART criterion:

A SMART goal is: Specific, Measurable, Attractive, i.e. passionate, Realistic, Timed.

 Julie’s answers:

• We decided in agreement with Mum that she would stay in her own home
• That as her only daughter, I would arrange to stay with her
• My brothers would support me with matters of logistics and planning transitions

My fourth question: 

What do you need to do right now before you can take those next steps?

My follow-on questions were: How do you know what you need? Who could help you?

UNIQUE in ROQUE

What do YOU need by way of resource to help support YOUR QUEST before you can begin?

Consider all the resources or ingredients, relationships, circumstances, skills, tools, internal or external support, authority, delegation, process, space, time etc. that you need to have in place before you start. What will make this effort be at the right time, the right place, have the right intent, with the right individual or team to take the right actions? Have you considered the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats or risks?

 Julie’s answers:

• I need to enlist my husband’s support to leave him and the family interstate during this time
• I need to plan some respite time for myself during my stay with Mum
• I will enlist help for meals, cleaning and washing
• I need full time access to Mum’s car
• I need emergency medical contact with her case doctors
• I need some planned home visits by the hospice professionals 

 My fifth question: 

So, what exactly are you going to do?

My follow-on questions were: How would you score your commitment from your head on a scale of 1 to 10? And what would the score from your heart be?

EXECUTING in ROQUE

What is your plan for Executing or Achieving YOUR goals?

Results only materialize when you have absolute clarity of vision and purpose. When you can focus like a laser beam – shining a bright light on that specific intent, passionately energized with your WHOLE being. Then, you no longer have a QUEST or supporting Goals – You ARE the QUEST, the GOALS and the ACTIONS. Execution here is putting your SMART goals into action.

 Julie’s answers:

1. We will do everything necessary to accommodate Mum in her own home during this period
2. I will plan with my husband to stay with Mum and for him to visit
3. We have a roster and action plan with my brothers

Footnote:

Julie had several conversations with family members, and we had a number of opportunities to explore using the ROQUE methodology. Julie found the prompts of each stage gave her a structure she found confidence in. During some of the conversations, we did some brain storming, we asked what-if questions, and her homework included talking to others and researching other resources.

Julie’s Mother passed away peacefully and was conscious of all the family around her. Her Mother thanks everyone in the room and especially recognized the visiting priest who gave her the last rites. This ritual was especially meaningful to Julie’s Mother. Julie and her siblings demonstrated remarkable organizational prowess whilst balancing the emotional pull and the calm rationale and planned approach. Each one rose to their leadership best whilst at the same time being a bonded team glued with trust and respect.

For Julie, being there just the way it all happened, was “fulfilling, rewarding, and ‘right’ for all”.

               Caring as love and respect

The ROQUE Coaching Methodology is a free downloadable template.

You can also download the guide Coach’s questions to help you address your particular situation.